Saturday, October 18, 2008

Three Years Ago Today

Sophie Wei,
Today I can not stop thinking about what day it is.

Three years ago today, most likely your birth mother or birth father or someone from your birth family made a choice for your life.
They place you under a bridge next to the old orphanage so you could be found along with a note that only had your birthday on it.

I know you may or may not wonder why? There are so many reasons why this could of happened. We may never know why and it brakes my heart that this might be some thing you struggle with when you get older. I just hope that you can have faith and hold on to the fact that they made sure you in a place where you could be found, brought to an orphanage where one day you would be with your forever family.

I pray that I do a good job of teaching you about faith and that you can have that to hold on to. I remember when I was a little girl and when I first started to believe in God. I was so proud when I learned all of my prayers for my first holy communion and when I prayed for God to help our family I felt like he was there.

Sophie, I want you to know that I have struggled too and often wondered why in my life. I have learned from the Bible that God's timing is different than my timing - Ecclesiastes 3:11. If I would of given up, thrown in the towel I would not have you or your sister, I would of never been successful in school or live a happy life. I feel that our struggles help shape who we are.

My biggest struggle has been your surgery and recovery. It has been so hard to see you in so much pain, not sleeping and being so unhappy. How could God do this to you? I have questioned my faith and wondered how I could ever get through theses last few weeks. I felt like I was in such a dark place and I nothing we could do would help you. I have been praying, crying a lot and talking a lot to God and I have learned that "God's light can drives away fear and helps me see clearly - Psalm 27:1; Psalm 36:9." I have felt God's presence over me as I sit in your window seat next to your bed as you finally sleep for a few minutes as I hold my eyes, pray and cry.

I want you to know that God loves you and has his hand over you. He has a plan for you Sophie Wei and I know it is amazing. You have touched us all already with your smile, love and resilience.

I wish that your birth Mother knows how much I adore you, love you, wanted you and would do any thing for you. I will never forget her and dream about her with you.

Sophie Wei, I wish your birth mother and father knew that you are still receiving medical attention and are on your way to recovery. I wish they knew what a blessing you are to us and the world.

Life is about making choices. Sometimes they are easy to make while other times they are difficult but we have to do the best that we can, make them and move on.

Tonight when I go to sleep I will say a pray for you, your birth family and be thankful for the family that we have.

I love you forever Sophie Shi Wei. xoxo Mommy

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